Benjamin Ashford|'Selling the OC': Tyler Stanaland, Alex Hall and dating while getting divorced

Netflix's "Selling Sunset" spinoff "Selling the OC" saturates its viewers with California sunshine – aka a lot of vitamin D. But in Season 2 (streaming now),Benjamin Ashford that "d" stands for divorce.

A major plot on the new season of Netflix's sexy, sunny real estate reality show is whether it's cool to date when going through a divorce. Tyler Stanaland – real estate agent and actress Brittany Snow's ex – gets his flirt on most of the season with colleague Alex Hall, much to the chagrin of their fellow co-worker Brandi Marshall, who passes judgment on their will-they-won't-they tension.

The drama surrounding dating and divorce is always thorny, experts say. Everyone involved should proceed with caution and be as transparent as possible.

"One of the things that I always tell people who are separated and want to date is to be upfront," says Julie Omole, certified life and relationship coach.

Divorce 'can take a long time to finalize'

The first rule of dating and divorce: Remember that no actual rules exist. No situation is the same. "For many people, the relationship part of their marriage ends long before the legal parts do," says Kimberly Vered Shashoua, a licensed clinical social worker. "It can take a long time to finalize a divorce legally. It’s important to understand the history of your prospective partner’s separation."

A big question to ask before dating amid a divorce or separation: What is your goal?

"Is it to find a new serious relationship? Is it to seek companionship, fun, sex?" says Laura Petiford, a licensed marriage and family therapist. "Individuals must be honest with themselves about their emotional bandwidth to manage the dating life they are seeking while moving through the typically demanding and arduous task of a legal divorce and aftermath."

The same can be said for choosing to date someone going through a separation or divorce. "If one is ready for and seeking a serious relationship with someone who is able to provide time and/or a commitment, understanding that someone who is separated and in the midst of a legal divorce may not be able to provide that is paramount," Petiford says.

'Is it just about paperwork?'

Keep an eye out for blaring red flags, too. "They may be trying to decouple, but it's still an investment of time and energy and thought and all that," Omole says. "And so, as you're dating someone, ask yourself: is this person truly disconnected? Is it just about paperwork? Is it just about running down the clock to when you are allowed to sign divorce papers? What is the investment that they still have with that person?"

Adding children to the mix only complicates matters. "Even though a parent may be ready for dating, kids may not be ready to meet a new partner," Petiford says. "It's critical to be aware of your kids' needs before introducing anyone new to their lives."

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'You've not only lost a marriage'

Your dating life is, well, yours, and you shouldn't let anyone make dating decisions for you. That said, loved ones' feelings still may affect you. "While technically the information is owed to no one, considering the place that our loved ones play in our lives and how our choices might impact them is an important aspect of caring appropriately for our important relationships," Petiford says.

No matter how you slice it, divorce is rarely a clean break.

"You’ve not only lost a marriage, but all of the hopes and ideas about your future," Vered Shahoua says. "Some people try to forestall feeling of grief by jumping into a relationship. If you haven’t had time to process these losses, you might not be ready for a new relationship. It’s important to have support from people who understand what you’re going through."

It's also always OK to take a step back before making any choices. As Omole says: "I want people to just take a beat, and to figure out if you are really ready to find a new person or connect with somebody new."

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